I have a problem with the word "should." It creates an instant sense of onerous duty and dread. I should do the laundry, I should clean out my wardrobe, I should find out why my office floor is shaking and if it's something to worry about...Or it creates an immediate unfulfilled promise, a litany of things you don't really want to do but find yourself suggesting to someone anyway. We should meet up soon. We should invite so-and-so round. Basically whenever I hear myself using the word "should," it's in the context of a chore I really don't want to do or an obligation I really don't want to fulfill. Sorry, friends. I really am that introverted.
One of my aims for this year was to stop using the word "should" when it came to my writing. I used to make myself lists of projects, with the sense that this was what I should be working on, for whatever reason. I should write this sequel, I should finish this short story...I thought it was a way of keeping myself on track, but it never worked like that, because I'd look at the list, think ugh, no, and do something else. Or nothing else, because I'd feel bad about not sticking to my self-imposed shoulds and just freeze up entirely. If I wasn't sticking to that list of projects, I was failing, because I wasn't doing what I should.
And this year I thought, well, fuck that, I'll do what I want.
One of my aims for this year was to stop using the word "should" when it came to my writing. I used to make myself lists of projects, with the sense that this was what I should be working on, for whatever reason. I should write this sequel, I should finish this short story...I thought it was a way of keeping myself on track, but it never worked like that, because I'd look at the list, think ugh, no, and do something else. Or nothing else, because I'd feel bad about not sticking to my self-imposed shoulds and just freeze up entirely. If I wasn't sticking to that list of projects, I was failing, because I wasn't doing what I should.
And this year I thought, well, fuck that, I'll do what I want.
Here's the thing: I don't believe in "the Muse." There's no abstract concept bringing me story ideas the way my cat brings me hairballs. There's no mythical being I have to appease by writing a certain story at a certain time. But sometimes I do find myself stalling on things for no apparent reason. I've stalled on Wolf's Hunt over the past couple of weeks, mostly because I'm tired and a bit ill. I know how the story unfolds, but every time I open the file to get to work, my brain just goes "nah." A year or so ago, I'd end up frustrated and simply stop writing altogether, as if this was somehow better than just working on something other than my designated to-do list.
But I like to think I've learned a few things about myself since then. Rather than succumb to that feeling that I'm failing at Wolf's Hunt somehow, I've switched projects to a little paranormal romp featuring shapeshifters and two reunited lovers (who hate each other a little bit right now).
Changing genres is often a good way for me to keep the creative gears moving, and it means I'm not beating myself up over not working on what I should be working on. I have to remember that it's okay to move the goalposts - the end game is still the same. Keep writing. Keep creating.
But I like to think I've learned a few things about myself since then. Rather than succumb to that feeling that I'm failing at Wolf's Hunt somehow, I've switched projects to a little paranormal romp featuring shapeshifters and two reunited lovers (who hate each other a little bit right now).
Changing genres is often a good way for me to keep the creative gears moving, and it means I'm not beating myself up over not working on what I should be working on. I have to remember that it's okay to move the goalposts - the end game is still the same. Keep writing. Keep creating.
